Secret Talents
by lalalathisisme
Summary: Daltonverse. The Stuart Trio goes out to karaoke and Logan convinces Derek to sing, resulting in a very surprised Logan. Rated for language.


**A/N: ****I ****do ****not ****own ****the ****characters; ****they ****belong ****to ****CP ****Coulter. Singing: **_Derek _**_**Julian **_**both. ****I apologize if the lyrics offend anyone, I tried to censor it, but sometimes I miss things. ****

* * *

><p>"You know I don't do karaoke. If I wanted to sing, I'd join the Warblers." Derek set his drink down on the table and shot Logan an annoyed look.<p>

"You act like you can just _join_ the Warblers" Logan responded calmly. "I wanna see what you got." Laughing at his two friends get into a stand off over karaoke, Julian leaned across the table to offer up a proposition to Derek.

"I'll make you a deal. Go up and I'll sing with you."

"I'm good with this plan." Logan interjected before Derek could speak.

"Do I get a say in this at all?"

"Not really. If you want, Lo and I could go up and serenade you with flirty duets, guaranteeing that you won't be going home with any females tonight, but possibly get a new boyfriend out of all of this."

"You're a bitch Larson."

"Watch your mouth Seigerson, that's my boyfriend you're talking about."

"Fine. Logan, your boyfriend is a bitch."

Julian threatened to throw a glass of water on Derek as Logan starting singing "damn you'se a sexy bitch" under his breath as his hand slowly caressed Julian's thigh.

"Damn, can we go anywhere without you two being overly sexual in front of me?" Both Julian and Logan laughed at Derek's slight discomfort. "If I go sing, will you two stop for one night?" Julian and Logan made eye contact before Logan stuck his hand out. "Deal."

"What are we 12? I'm not shaking your hand. Come on Jules. I have the perfect song." Derek pulled Julian up and whispered in his ear. Logan watched as Julian pulled back, surprised, and smiling his signature Cheshire grin before looking back towards Logan and winking.

Well. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

><p>Derek and Julian took the stage after requesting what song they wanted to sing. The background music started up but it wasn't what Logan was expecting. Instead of some melodious opening notes, a backbeat was going, and Derek picked up his mic and started to sing, er rather, rap.<p>

_Alright, Gambino is a mastermind_

_Fuck a bitch to pass the time_

_Mass appeal, orange rind_

_Smoke your green, I'm spending mine_

Both boys started dancing around the stage to the beat, kind of bouncing up and down.

_The beat is witches' brew, but beware this shit is potent_

_e.e. cummin' on her face, now that's poetry in motion_

_Yeah, Gambino make it work, I'm the boss, move somethin'_

_Yeah, this cool fuckin' suits me, swag two button_

_Yeah, these girls be actin' crazy when they're dancing Black Swan_

_I ain't fuckin' at the club, put your clothes back on_

Derek looked over at Julian, grinning, and Julian took over the next verse.

_**Yeah, this beat is a disaster, 9/11 this track**_

_**Rappers wanna battle me, I have to mail their heads back**_

_**And my clique make that De Niro so it's time to meet the Fuckers**_

_**I am running this bitch, you are just a dog walker**_

Logan's mouth dropped open. He knew that Julian could sing, and he knew that Derek had some musical talent of some sort, but he never knew that they could _rap_.

_**Leaving with your girl when we last seen each other**_

_**Yeah, you fuckin' with the baddest like we tag team Rihanna**_

_**Fly girl on her knees, she don't wanna come near me**_

_**And my dick is too big, there's a Big Bang Theory**_

At that last line Julian looked straight at Logan and winked. Logan quickly crossed his legs and tried to focus on Derek's rapping.

_Got her picture in my iPhone, what do y'all think?_

_While y'all n***** masturbate I'm into Ariel Pink_

_If I am just a rapper, man, you coulda fooled me_

_I'm the shit, when these dudes talk they talking bull me_

_OK, I'm down with the black girls of every single culture_

_Filipino, Armenian girls on my sofa_

_Yeah, I like a white girl, sometimes we get together_

_Need a thick chick though, so it's black and yellow, black and yellow_

Logan was mesmerized.

_**Love is a trip, but fuckin' is a sport**_

_**Are there Asian girls here? Minority Report**_

_**Put your team on the map, Blake Griffin on the court**_

_**N***** bitin' on my tracks, need a knife and a fork**_

Logan tried to look disinterested, tried not to read into every verse that Julian rapped. _Focus on Derek's verses. What's he singing about? Vagina? Yeah ok you don't like vagina, Logan. You like dick. Vagina, vagina, vagina..._

_We the illest, need a nurse_

_Here's the check, grab your purse_

_Unless we fucking then I'll pay for all the food on the Earth, man_

_I got some pussy that was insane, so insane it's an enemy of Batman_

By now both boys had riled up the crowd as they were rapping on the beat, never dropping behind, and had stopped looking at the lyrics being fed to them. They knew this song and they knew it well.

_**I'm dominant, n***** call me f***** 'cause they closeted**_

_**I'm hotter shit, comin' out the backside of a rocket ship**_

_**It's monster shit, you dudes are the opposite of Lochnesses**_

_**Respond to this, we can squash the beef right now like sausages**_

_Chillin' with my N-words, say it like a white kid_

_Yes your booty's big as hers, say that to my white bitch_

_So she don't get embarrassed, my dick is made of carrots_

_Bunnies wanting to be fed, and I meant honeys, oh forget it_

Logan made a mental note to bring up rapping in the next Warblers meeting. Maybe not _this_ song, but if these two could get the crowd this into it, then a group of _trained_ singers could run sectionals next year.

_**I have worked all winter, I will not fail summer**_

_**In the back of her bush like Gavin Rosedale's drummer**_

_**Yeah, my stinger's in her flower, I hope she let me pollinate**_

_**Workin' hard as shit, yeah this beat is made from concentrate**_

_**N****, can't you tell that my sample of Adele**_

_**Was so hot I got these hood n***** blowin' up my cell?**_

_**Swag out the ass, I'm the man, fuck Chico**_

_**Took the G out your waffle, all you got left is your ego**_

Granted, the crowd may be excited because it's _Julian__Larson_ rapping, but they wouldn't be so excited about the nobody next to him, right?

_Think about it for a second, man_

_We eatin', where's your breakfast, man?_

_You hungry? Have this sandwich_

_Got my wallet, cheese, and lettuce_

_An elephant never forgets so my dick remembers everything_

_Green inside your wallet is that pussy, open sesame_

Logan was pulled out of his thoughts of show choir domination at the sound of both Julian and Derek's voices rapping together in a smooth and unified sound; something hard to achieve in general, but even harder when rapping.

**Running the game**

**Fuck am I sayin'?**

**Running the Earth**

**Give me a month**

**Told all you ni***** I'm in it to win it**

_**'Cause havin' an Emmy just wasn't enough**_

**You get sloppy drunk, I stay whiskey neat**

**My clique should be canceled, **_Freaks_** and _Geeks_**

Derek and Julian threw their mics on the ground, fist bumped, and jumped off the stage, making their way towards Logan.

* * *

><p>"So?" Derek asked before plopping himself in a chair.<p>

"I'm going to have to break our deal." Derek scowled at Logan. "Dude. I just went up there and performed. Don't be a bitch."

"You did. And you were good. I'm impressed. I'm also incredibly turned on and I don't know if I can make it as far as the next table over before I devour my boyfriend who was so fucking sexy during that number." Logan replied before pulling a smirking Julian down on his lap and kissing him fiercely on the mouth.

"Oh come ON guys! I've been embarrassed AND I have to third wheel it? Fuck you!" Julian pulled himself off of Logan long enough to point out that no one in the audience could mistake Derek for gay now, and oh look, that cute waitress is coming over this way, maybe Derek should try to pick her up and leave them alone, before going back to kissing Logan, missing the smirk that was on Derek's face.

A moment of consideration and the throwing of his half full cup of water on a now disgruntled Julian because "she's coming over to get my drink order! I can't flirt with her and ask her for a drink if I already have one" later, Logan is left to dry Julian off on one half of his body while making the other part wet, while Derek is proving to the waitress that his mouth is good for other things other than rapping.

* * *

><p>Song is <em>Freaks and Geeks<em> by Childish Gambino. I highly suggest you listen to the song so you can see just how hard it would be to sing karaoke to it.


End file.
